Christmas Concert

It went great. She was so excited and had a great time. She was nervous up there sining, she swayed her arms and moved side to side, but she did great!!! She has her Christmas party today and couldn't be more excited to have the next 2 weeks off.
She said to me in the car last night
P- "mommy Sabrina in my class is really cute and all the boys like her"
Me-" oh sweetie you are very cute too"
P-"I know I am"
ME-" Besides you don't want a boy to like you just becuase your cute, you want them to like who you for who you are on the inside and because your funny and a great person"
P-"oh"
Me-"Shawn (LDR--"boyfriend") doesn't like me cause he thinks I'm cute, he likes me cause he thinks I am funny"
P-"UH, No your not mom!"
Too funny! Why is she thinking about boys when she is only 6 anyways! I told her to have fun with her friends and not to worry about stinky BOYS!!

She has her last Basketball game tomorrow and my sis and neice and nephew are coming down for the night. Should be a fun, relaxing weekend. I really need to do some Christmas shopping!

A bit of bragging and such

This is how we got our Christmas tree home.







I unloaded the tree off the roof of the car.........by myslef. I then proceeded too cut the bottom off with a hand saw. After hand saw would go no further (or maybe it was my weak muscles), I grabbed the sharpest knife in my kitchen and proceeded to fail. I remembered there was a skill saw in the garage..........WHOA BABY! My first time using that thing, and I am very blessed to still have all of my body parts. BUT that did the job! Managed to get the tree all set up and it looks great!
We had a great weekend with friends and family. Back to the grind and I think I better get started on Christmas shopping soon. Paige has her very first musical presentation at school tomorrow night. I am extremely excited although a bit nervous for her at the same time. Hoping her anxiety is on the low side! I showed her how to stand with her knee's bent a bit.
My older sister locked her knees once on the bleechers and that WAS NOT GOOD!

Hittin the Mountains

We are headed up to see a good friend from High School this weekend. Will be nice to catch up and have some good laughs.
Taking Paige to get her glasses checked to make sure the prescription we got was the right one and make sure they are fitting right. She has had numerous headaches again and dizziness. Hoping it is just the glasses and if not, off to the doctor's we go. I really do think it is her glasses since she is standing right smack dab infront of the TV screen. I think I tell her every 30 seconds to back up and sit down!
She has been acting fine other than that. Been dancing around the living room and jumpin off the couch having a great time. I taught her a few moves! The Roger Rabbit and The Running Man!
Happy Weekend!

Mornings

My 6 yr old has decided to act like a teeny bopper and have her hair curled in the mornings. One day she won't let me brush it and the next I am brushing, hairspraying and curling. Her hair is so fine, like mine, and will curl a bit but a few minutes later goes pretty much straight. Day 1-- I heard a small wimper "my hair won't curl right" Day 2-- It was a screaming, crying mess of all messes!!! "my hair won't curl, it looks ugly, I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL!!" AHH!!!! Needless to say we were 3 minutes late to school. Day 3-- I moosed the you know what outta that fine hair and we got amazing curls and ran off to school to make it on time and I kept my fingures crossed that those curls stayed in until she took her face out of a mirrors site! SUCCESS!!! Day 4--She did not ask for her hair curled and as I tried to brush it I got the old "Ouch that hurts, don't touch my hair". Oh yes, it's a good day!

We had a great Thanskgiving. Went to Minnesota to see the, well ok, I guess I can say it............Boyfriend. (I don't know why that sounds so weird to say.)
Paige and I trucked 12 hours. We had great food and a great time! She did pretty amazing in the car, thanks to the DVD player and tons of patience!

She is wearing....

JEANS!!! For the today anyways. I am sure I will hear all about how uncomfortable they are when we get home :)

And yes those are ear muffs! She is ready for the cold weather!

My Sweet Butterfly

She had a good time, didn't want to go to too many houses but she had a great time! She really was more excited to hand out candy, we only had 3 groups show up......but that left alot of candy for us to eat!!

Wierd Dream :(

I had a very strange dream. In my dream, I was at work while my baby was in the hospital with a terminal illness. I know sounds like my life a few years ago, but my baby was in the hospital and I was not there for him. My mom and dad were there and totally disgusted with me because I was not there to care for him. At the end of the dream, I showed up and the baby had a broviac (just like Landon) and I looked at the site and said it is infected that is why he is so sick! No one at the hospital knew how to take care for my baby with such a rare disease. I told them they had to call Dr K (a mito doc in Houston, whom I have never talked to nor met, just read blogs of other mito kiddos talking so highly of this doc). They did and they learned what needed to do to help my baby.
This dream was an all night dream, so real! I woke and fell back to sleep just to keep dreaming the same dream. I am feeling disturbed by this today. WHY was I not there for my baby? And what does this dream mean anyway. I have so rarely, in fact only a few times had a dream about Landon. I wish I had more! Maybe this is it, Mitochondrial disease have no cures, we have no where to take our terminally ill children for treatment. When Landon was diagnosed even his doctor barely remembered it coming up in all of his schooling. I hope this changes, I hope for other families out there that one day they have a place to take there child to for a treatment, with hope for there childs future. A few well known hospitals that have all the answers, all the trials for this very complicated disease.

ooops!

I some how deleted my "Bed Buddies" post.
In it I discussed Paige's anxiety of going to bed, hence her sleeping with me.
Things have changed pretty quickly and she is once again back in her own bed.
Snap, just like that! Also she is afraid of the shower recently. She did take a shower (vs bath) but of course wouldn't you know it, the water/pipes acted up and made a really loud noise. That has never happened before, horrible timing! Back to the bath's, which is just fine as long as she's getting clean, that's really what matters most! I am really just glad to see some of the anxieties go away!
This weekend my LDR is hopefully coming for a few days, unexpectedly but VERY nice!!
Hope to get to the pumpkin patch!!! It is supposed to be absolutely gorgeous this weekend, so hoping to get in some good BBQ and Marg's as well! Will be a busy one. Of course my camera battery is shot, it takes a special battery. er, I will have to remember to bring that to town for a replacement tomorrow!
Happy weekend!!

Today I am grateful for..................

Paige----Beautiful, spunky and loving
Landon----His complete sweetness
Family
Friends
A safe trip to KS.
Beautiful sun-shiny weather
A roof over my head
My neice that wanted to come back to CO with me--"But shhhhh just drive, don't tell my mom!"
Sno Balls
My LDR going wonderfully****Seriously he's so sweet
My blazing maple that looks amazing right now
The amazing strength God has given me

My Montage 5/15/08 at OneTrueMedia.com

(I stole the below from Jen's blog) http://jenmagee.blogspot.com
Did you know that, Every 30 minutes, a child is born who will develop a mitochondrial disease by age 10. Each year, 1000 to 4000 children in the United states are born with a mitochondrial disease. While exact numbers of children and adults suffering from mitochondrial disease are hard to determine because so many people who suffer from mitochondrial disease are frequently misdiagnosed, we now know the disease is approaching the frequency of childhood cancers. Many are misdiagnosed with atypical cerebral palsy, various seizure disorders, childhood diseases and diseases of aging. Still others aren't diagnosed until after death.

Did you know that the parts of the body that need the most energy, such as the heart, brain, muscles and lungs, are the most affected by mitochondrial disease. The affected individual may have strokes, seizures, gastro-intestinal problems, swallowing difficulties, blindness, ...deafness, heart and kidney problems, muscle ...failure, heat/cold intolerance, diabetes, immune issues, and liver disease.

Did you know that mitochondrial dysfunction is connected to common diseases such as alzheimers, parkinsons and autism spectrum disorders?

Did you know that mitochondrial diseases are not as rare as you may think? 1 in 200 people carry a mutation that may develop into a mitochondrial disease.

Did you know that there are currently no treatments, cures or anyway to help one with mito? vitamin treatments to try and help restore some energy is all there is. There are many studies out there, and I believe there is a study out there that will work as a cure, but there is just simply not enough funding..so instead children and adults are suffering daily. We have treatments and cures for Erectile dysfunction, hair loss, acne, and so many more minor ailments, and not one for this disease..

Did you know there are many ways to give, funds that will actually go directly to research and raising awareness..
www.umdf.org


This is the montage of Landon's sweet life. Wow--been a while since I have viewed it--Very emotional.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Mito Awareness Week

It is Mitochondrial Disease Awareness Week.
Mitochondrial Cells are the powerhouse cells in our bodies, If these cells do not function properly your body's organ's fail. Life is cut way too short. There is NO cure and there is NO treatment.
4 Years ago I had no clue what mitochondrial cells were. I never realized how complex our bodies are and the tiniest of mutation in our cells are repeated throughout our bodies. 1Slight problem creates a HUGE problem. Our lives have been turned upside down by mitochondrial disease. One disease my sweet little guy is no longer fighting. Our God is good and he gets us through the most unbearable of times. I know in time, we will find a Cure for this disease and WE, (you and I) are here to help in that fight!
www.umdf.org

Loving this Fall weather

I have to admit, I am loving this fall weather for very selfish reasons!
Not only am I enjoying fall for all it is.......
*Leaves changing
*Cooler temps
*Just overall beauty!

But.........

I also am loving it because..........
*It is getting darker earlier, which means I can get Paige in bed earlier and easier!!
*Paige is sleeping in later, which means I am as well!!!
*She crawled into my bed the other morning as she always does, but she was soo cold she snuggled up right next to me and it was sooo cozy, we both fell back to sleep for 30 min!!!!
*I can put the heating pad on my back while I drift off to a deep, wonderful sleep.
*My weeds are dying off without any effort on my part
*And last but not least, I have not had to mow my yard in almost 2 weeks!! And hopefully this weekend will be the last of the season!!!

Now don't get me wrong, I love spring and summer, but I have to admit, I am ready to welcome Fall!!

A new week, A new found energy!

I feel better this week! The bags are minimized, I have more energy and I am eating healthier!!!

All great things!

Have I told you that I am in an LDR??? (long distance relationship)

This is my first experience with this, and typically I would say, No to an LDR or wouldn't even think about it! But this guy is so sweet and worth it--and was not really planned. I mean what are the odds that we would even meet being ind different states AND hit it off so well! It has only been a few month, so we'll see where (if anywhere) this goes. Taking it one step at a time! I am learning so much in the world of dating.

Paige had her volleyball game. This was her first game EVER for ANYTHING! (That she's actually shown up for). She was nervous, and yes she got "dizzy" and "headachy" on the way there. So we talked about boys, and pumped up the music in the car to get her mind off of things! She did great. She was nervous and didn't move much, but she served the ball wonderfully.

Angel---I am so there!! Sooner than later I hope!! I cannot even imagine how wonderful it would be to catch up with you and meet your husband!!!

Sleepy

I feel like I just cannot get enough sleep this week! Is it because the days are shorter, the cooler weather, allergies, work is to dang boring? Not sure, but I hope this tiredness passes soon!
Maybe I need a BIG change! Something extravagant..Maybe a beach vacation! Hmm.
Paige is in Volleyball and will have her first game on Saturday. I am really looking forward to seeing how she does. Practice is right after school and I am at boring work, so I have yet to see her play. She loves 1st grade still, not as much as she did week 1 but still likes it. If it were up to her she'd stay home all day, eat chicken nuggets dipped in BBQ sauce and watch ICarly!
I am getting sleepy so will sign off.....

School and things

Paige started 1st grade last week. She did so awesome!! I dropped her off and she ran off to play with her friends. So far we are on day 4 and no call from the school nurse!!! YAY!

Last year I got a call from the school nurse every day for the first month. She had major anxiety and a lot of headaches. I am so pleased so far this year! She loves her new teacher. He plays guitar for them and they get to listen to music. This is exactly what she needs!! A teacher to make school fun! She will be playing Volleyball this fall as well.

We have journeyed to a few water parks, numerous bike rides, movies, parks.

July and August have plagued with a few migraines. She had the worst ever a few weeks ago and that is when I decided to try Chiropractic care. She has only gone twice and they have decreased dramatically. I am hoping they will continue to decrease! Allergy season is full blown and they really get her with the migraines. Hoping the good streak continues!

She got new glasses. She needed a stronger presctiption, but the cross eyed-ness is better, her eyes are stonger, that is the good thing!

Life is going so fast, days, months, years are passing. I feel like a completely different person from what I was 3 years ago. I was cleaning out the hall closet and found Landon's baby feet print from the hospital. I cried, and thought back to that day he was born. How precious those feet were, how much I love him. Oh how I miss those tiny sweet feet.

(this is her sweet and innocent look)

Happy Angel Day Landon!

(This was in my inbox this morning, couldn't be more fitting for today!)

(I stopped at the cemetary on the way home last night. My first time since last week when I saw the flowers were gone. This is what I saw. It made my whole week!!)

Have I told you lately

I hate Mitochondrial Diseases! Another sweet girl in Heaven this morning.
She passed yesterday, please pray for this faimly. This is there second child in heaven.
Samantha just had a birthday, she just turned 4. Please pray for there strength!
http://samsmom-heathers.blogspot.com/2010/07/sweet-girl.html

Almost 2 years

July 27 will mark 2 years since I held my sweet boy. Touched his smooth skin, held his sweet chubby hands and kissed those sweet cheeks. Oh how I miss him.
Paige was upset/missing him the other night. Holding tight to his blanket. She asked me if God fed the babies, and of course I told her, the babies never go hungry, they are very well taken care of!
I wonder how her little mind imagines Heaven.

Today I hate cemetaries and heartless people

After 2 months of my flower pots filled with very pretty flowers sitting on Landon's headstone/concrete slab.....they have up and disappeared.
2 pots of flowers blooming just up and gone. I take these things out there so I have a place to go to mourn the loss of my son.
So that I have something to take care of since I cannot take care of my son.
I understand the cemetaries have ordinances, you know what ass holes, I have a heart and when you take the stake that was put on my sons grave site on his birthday and throw it away.......Yes I get bitter and I get angry!
Yes they do allow the stakes that planter pots hang from....and the one I had out there was stolen 3 months ago.
To the heartless asses who have nothing better to do but take flower pots filled with precious flowers......Get a Life!

Where or Where

has the summer gone???
I took off work early yesterday to take Paige to Toy Story 3. I picked her up from the FTC pool. BTW that pool is awesome, I had never been before. Talk about alot of people/kids! She is so lucky to get to do so much with daycare this summer.
I got there to pick her up and she is sitting out drying off. She says "Mommy, I don't know what happened....my shorts and panties are not in bag." So off to Target we went for a pair of panties and shorts so we could get into the movie. (Note to self, pack a spare set of clothes to leave in car)
The movie was great. If you have seen it, you probably remember the EXTREMELY annoying monkey that watches to make sure nobody is out and about in the daycare?
Paige woke at midnight with a nightmare and she said "mommy it was a nightmare.....it was that monkey in the movie!!!!!) LOL! So I got a bed buddy last night! Off to Chuck E Cheese to meet friends tonight.
1 month before school starts and so much that we still want to do. I am loving summer break!

Bike Rides

We took a long ride to her friends house, beautiful! 6 miles. Yes she cried when she found out we had to ride back home, but only until we hit the pavement!

Pics

Way over do!

This post, that is. Just have not been into the blogging! But I really want to have a place to come and write about our memories.
So much has came and gone. Paige's Birthday, Mother's Day, Landon's Birthday, Landon's Hope.
So many emotions.....
Landon's Hope was amazing once again. Such a wonderful way to celebrate both his and Marie's life.
Paige has in the last few weeks started to:
Ride her bike with no training wheels...... (I think we went around the block 100 times this weekend)
Blow bubbles....(Oh yes and about 3 packs of sugar free gum this weekend is what she went through!)
Shower.....(Baths are part of her past now!)
She is ever gowing so big and with these three things on her list, her confidence has sky rocketed and she sooooo needs that!
Love to all!

Dr Seuss

Paige got Dr Seuss books for her Birthday, at her request.
This morning she is in the living room and I am in my room getting ready for work.
She yells "mom, I want to read to you"!
I said ok.....I listened from across the house and my sweet 6 year old read to me!
I love her!

This morning I drank my coffee.......

while sitting on the bathroom floor with Paige dozing in my lap....
Poor thing, got a migraine this morning, She hasn't had one in a while and April is always
her bad month. (last year I think she had awhole weeks worth) Only this one so far is not soo bad. She is feeling better, I did keep her home from school. Weather changes............UGH!
Her b-day is Saturday and she is so excited! We are having a kids pary, and an adult party....she has lots of friend young and older! How awesome!
Landon's headstone went in and it is absolutley perfect! Will post pics soon!

Loving this weather!

Been a while! Spring Break came and went. She had a fantastic time and we are back in full swing!
Soccer did not happen. When she learned she HAD to wear shin guards................weeeeellllllll.....let's just say she changed her mind and no longer wanter to play!
We won't go into the actual details :)
She would rather spend her time running wild and not follwing "soccer" rules! So we have spent our free time at the park, in the back yard, going for walks, playing hop scotch and hitting the tennis ball (pretending to play baseball). We are having a good time!
I am working on Landon's Hope, getting fliers out and getting awesome prizes put together.
Paige's birthday is coming up on the 24th, Landon's headstone should be going in very soon, then we have his B-day and then the walk.

SPring break!

Paige's first Spring Break! It is amazing at how they learn to love breaks at such a young age. Paige is soo excited to have some time off of school.
Today the weather will be perfect for her to spend some time with her dad, the rest of the week is supposed to be colder/snow/rain. Ugh!
We had a gorgeous weekend-- walks to the park, visits with friends, and the big one----Disney on Ice, or Disneyland as Paige would call it. Disney on Ice was a blast!
She is soo cautious at such a young age. Payed attention to ever last detail. She is not like most other kids, she is not Miss Carefree, whatever goes goes typed of girl.......She is just very cautious before letting herself go, which hopefully someday will pay off. Don't get me wrong, she has just as much as the other's, she just thinks about it first!
I am walking about 2.5 miles a day and about 3.5 on the weekends, weather/Paige allowing that is. I finally got new shoes yesterday. My legs have been hurting after walking. I am blaming it on my 5 year old shoes, soles falling off! We'll see if it really is the shoes and just my old body tiring!

Moving along

We are moving right along with things. March already, cannot beleive it! Paige is signed up for soccer and will start practicing in a few weeks. It is tough to get kids in sports being a working parent. I am not sure how I will get her to practice, but will make sure it happens. Parent teachers conferences were last week and were great, prepared for 1st grade.
Had a beautiful weekend. Got things done, played, and still had time to relax!

What a beautiful day

Oh, it finally feels almost like .... March! It is about 45 dregrees, the sun is shining and snow is melting away! Yippy.....Whoot Whoot, YAY!! OH finally!
I went for an hour walk at lunch and the sun on face, felt absolutely wonderful. Too bad I had to come back in to finish the day inside.
Tomorrow is supposed to be just as nice, however, of course, we are going to Estes, where it will be......Cold! But......I don't have to be there until 230p, so I will walk before going up. I am going to see a movie with my sister---Dear John. I read the book, loved it, and cannot wait to see the movie!
Tonight I am getting a babysitter and going to dinner and drinks with friends. Paige is quite frankly, totally stoked to have a babysitter. So excited she was still up at 930pm last night, cause "she couldnt' sleep" and "wasn't tired"................and this morning when she woke at 630am, she was "Very tired". But, today it is not my worry, I will NOT be the one dealing with attitude tonight! Nope, not me! I will be relaxing with a marg in my hand!

Breaking news........

Paige wore jeans to school today!!!! Whoot, Whoot!!!
The girl has not worn jeans since she was 2!

She was in my room as I got dressed this morning and she said, mommy I like your jeans,
I said, you should wear jeans today too and we can be twins.................... She said she wanted to.
Not the first time we've tried to wear them and the minute she see's them she changes her mind.
Not today! She said mommy, I am not gonna be able to run in PE today! LOL!
I told her girls can run in jeans! She is a riot!

Seeing the beauty in things.

*The sky lit up bright pink, clouds looking as if they are airbrushed in the clear skies and the birds soaring through the air. It is light out now when I leave work to go home, still dark when I reach school to pick Paige up.

*Walking onto the porch in 20 degree weather, though cool the sun is soo warm, listening to the birds chirping as we get in the car to start out day.

*The sight of buds starting to come out on the tree in the front yard, waiting soo patiently to blossom into huge green leaves.

*Walking around the "lake" looking at hundreds of geese standing on the ice as they too patiently wait for sping, the ice to melt so they can dip there heads in the water.

Just a few things I am noticing.

Made it through!

Oh it was an emotional Saturday morning, so surreal pulling into a work area with headstones covering the front lawn. We picked the first stone we saw, the design is not worked up yet, i will pick a few pictures to put on each side of his name. Paige wants a ladybug and I want a toad.
The ladybugs are well suited, everytime we go out there in the summer ladybugs are all over plants and the toad............................all little boys love toads!
As the man asked our information and asked for the name to be placed.........It took all I had to hold back the tears. But I did it. Survived. I do feel releived and it will be soo nice to look at that stone instead of plane old grass!

Going to pick out head stone

Ugh! Why is this soo difficutl for me. Am I in some sort of denial? We did not pick out a headstone for Landon after his passing. Quite frankly it was not priority for me nor affordable.
But thing I hav taken to the cemetary are dissapearing and that makes me very angry. We are going tomorrow to pick out a headstone so we can have a more appropriate place to go to greive, pray, cry. I am having such a tough time with this, I just cannot understan why, after all we have gone through. I am however going to be relevied when it is picked out. Maybe it is the fact that this it soo important and must be perfect, that the decision must be right because after all it will be there forever. I hope! Feeling emotional.
Paige was watching a cartoon this morning, they must have had a new baby boy in the house.
The little girl was singing to him....Little Brother, Little Brother, your hear with me forever and ever, I will take care of you, kiss you, love...................I stood in the other room and cried.
EMOTIONAL!
Lord please give me strength to make it through tomorrow......

Spring Fever

I have a major case of it! Saturday was really nice, took baloo for a nice walk! Sunday on the other hand was a complete windy disaster. Could not even step outside. needless to say it was a long, boring, eat everything in the house day!
Paige had the tummy flu on Thursday. Now she has this nasty cold. She did go to school today, of course against her own will, but I am sure she will do just fine when there!
I got some much needed time to myself on Saturday night. Soaked in the tub and had a glas of wine. Painted my toe nails and watched Twilight. Fell asleep on the couch about 9p and didn't even think about crawling out of bed till 8a Sunday morning. Very nice!
I have yet to plant seeds as they are not available in the stores yet. Hopefully soon!

Spring is coming

The way the sky looks today, it makes it feel like spring. Looks like raIn clouds this morning. Paige looked out the window this morning and said, "Mommy, it looks like a tornado out". It does make it feel like spring. Gives me hope that spring is coming soon. Despite the cold weather and the snow on the ground. Spring is only a few months away! I desperately long for it.....long to see my flowers bloom, long to feel the warmth on my body, long to get out for long walks, long to watch Paige play at the park and run around barefoot!
I think it just might be time to go buy a few flower pots and get some seeds growing inside.

Yes, Spring is coming!