Happy Thanksgiving

We are headed out to Kansas, and not just Kansas, but Kansas City and not just Kansas City, Kansas, but Kansas City, Missouri! Yep we are crazy! It will be Paige and I, My sister and A and B.
We are breaking that drive by staying at my dad's both ways, then he will drive with us the rest of the way. My mom is flying out on Sat and we will not only have Thanksgiving, but a very big Birthday part for a very special 2 year old princess! We will be back on Monday!
Wishing everyone tons of thankfulness, and full tummy's!!!
Much Love
Tami and Paige

Me Time

Paige went with Mike yesterday and spent the night. I read an entire book on grieving. I have never read a entire book, OK well maybe 1 or 2 in my life. And I read this entire book (ok, almost) in one day. It is How to Survive loss of a child. I have read alot of them, well skimmed through alot of them. This book is written by a psychologist and also has lost a child and is a woman. Anyway I highly recommend it to those who need it.
Anyways I read the book, I did nothing but read and lay on the couch with my heating pad on, oh and I did soak in the warm tub! I looked at my messy house and did not even think about cleaning it. I had no energy to. So I took me time and it felt really good. I am soar today, not sure if it was all the tension I let go and my body is feeling that.
I woke this morning and did yoga, I am already feeling like a noodle. Does yoga really make your muscles that tired? I really did not feel like I was exercising, just felt good to stretch, I guess maybe I was concentrating more on when I was supposed to breath. But I feel good, I reminded myself to be gentle with myself. If anyone has tips on yoga or mediation let me know.
Tami

My Sneaky chocolate chunk girl

Paige loves chocolate chunk chips more than anything in the entire world right now.
Well this morning she asked if she could have some and I told her she had to eat her ham and bread first, this has been a way of getting her to actually eat breakfast. She gets a few chocolate chunks afterwards and of course always wants more. The answer again this morning was No you have had enough, I will get you some strawberries. She said OK. Well I am very abscent minded to say the least these days. I forgot to get her strawberries and instead I proceeded to go to my room to continue to get ready for work. Well she walks by my door and says, "mommy I just want to go to my room" Worried I looked at her and said do you feel OK. She said yes. As I looked at her I noticed she had her bowl in her hand and was covering it with her other hand. I said "oh, what's in your bowl. She siad nothing, I said Oh really, looks like something is in there. She said no it's nothing. I said is that the truth? She said no. I looked in her bowl and there were the chocolate chunks!! SNEAK! I guess I better stop buying the chocolate chunks!

The Big Fake Smile

Ok, Well I guess the one thing she got from me is the Fake Smile! We have never had our pic taken like this. Our church had a professional photo session for families to get everyone's pics in a directory. Well we got a free 8x10. I guess it is obvious where she gets this fake smile thing! And they wanted $40 to touch up any faults you might have. I thought WHAT faults, yeah right! Well let's just say I have a few faults! Oh well, it is a very cute pic! I had to add of course a pic of me and my sweet Landon too!

Paigie Waigie

So it seems my little girl has grown out of her cute little nickname. She gets mad now when you call her Paigie Waigie. We had called her that, just becasue it rymes and it is cute afterall! A few kids at her preschool had also come up with it so it must fit! This past weekend her cousins came to play or should I say fight. B called her Paigie Waigie and she got all mad! How funny is that.................... like, I am 4 and a half now, DUH!
So I guess the name is gone for now! Maybe we can come up with a all grown up nickname for her. She toots alot, maybe we could get away with tooter! Or maybe not! I can already see her face turning beat red and her foot stomping the floor!
Harley is hanging in, feeling ok, he is on steroids, I bet that would make me feel pretty good too.
Hmmm. Just kidding!
Tami

My New Fave Song

I love this song, I love the beat and her voice is amazing! Turn it up loud!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTyLqkez6A

Sucky Bad Days!!

I think the last 24 hours have been the saddest, angriest days so far. I have felt myself missing Landon and found myself yesterday evening searching high and low to see if I had video of him before he started to show signs of this nasty horrible disease that I dispise. So I found a video, only about 5 mintues long that I took Before the disease took over. I have forgotten what he was able to do. The first part of it is 2 months old, he is looking around everywhere, moving around in a casual way. Second part he is batting at a toy that plays lots of fun music and kicking his legs. Third part of the video, Paige and I are teaching him to stick his tongue inadn out of his mouth, he is cooing and babbling and watching his sister very jealously as she steels his video camera time! This was absolutely 100% heart breaking!! I have forgotten that he actually deveoped skill as any 2-3 month old would have and it is literally tearing me apart! I immediately cried my eyes out, I went to my room and tried to do it behind closed doors as I waited for Mike to come and entertain Paige. Of course she knew what was going on, she watched the tape with me and I think she was amazed herself. Mike got home and I went downstairs, shut myself in the room and listened to Landon's massage CD. I cried my heart out and it does not want to stop coming out! I cried for a long time and then again this morning. I just could not stop and cried all the way to work. I could have stayed home and in bed all day crying. It seems like every month or so a whole new realit hits. I have been ok for the last month, and was not quite expectig this. It hurts soo bad, I feel like I could cry for a whole year, and if life would allow that, I would do it! This disease sucks and it sucks bad! I hate it more than I can put into words!
To top things off, our dog, Harley has lymphoma, cancer and is not doing well. We will probably have to put him to sleep this week. After what we have gone through, this really is not hitting as hard as I guess it would have had I not lost my child a few months ago. Harley has lived a long, happy life and I hate for him to suffer.
I hate Leigh's disease and everything it has done to me an my family!!
Tami

Spiritual Encounters

I think I have written in previous posts about my encounters with Hawks since Landon's passing.
The first was at the cemetary, after praying I looked to the sky and took in the air and blue sky and watched the beautiful hawk soar above me. It was very peaceful. The next that stands out is while Paige and I were playing in the front yard, we saw this beautfiful hawk flying around. Paige saw it and said "mommy that is the bird that is in my dreams". She was very excited.
This past Sunday, I went tot he cemetary to collect my potted plants from the cemetary. As I drove along the road leading to the entrance, I noticed the hawk fly off the fence and soar around as if it were leading me into the cemeteray.
(Paige has been looking curiously for ladybugs the last few weeks, when the lucky one is found it is stuck in her bowl with grass.)
While praying at the cemetery, I opened my eyes and guess what I saw, 3 lady bugs crawling on the plants and items that are sitting on Landon's site. Paige was not with me, but I did take her back later and we collected the gifts from Landon : )

Tis The Season

For Peppermint Mocha Fraps!!!

I snuck a peice of Paige's Hershy's bar from Halloween and brought it in a bag to work with a pack of my gum. When I opened the peice of chocolate, I got this amazing smell of chocolate and mint (from the gum). I know that smell!! I have not had a Peppermint Mocha Frap in soo very long, I cannot wait to have one!

Halloween and Things......

Well another Halloween and another "shy" Paige. I just knew this was going to be the year that she went and knocked on all the houses doors in the neighborhood. Not so for this little Rock Star! We went to the house down the street (her friend from preschool), and nobody was home. I finally talked her into going to the neighbors right next door. She did really good, but did not want to go anywhere else. She wanted to just hand out candy. Well we sat and didn't have anyone, so I told her we needed to go over and at least see her friend Terri, (adult friend). Terri has helped me out quite a bit and Paige just loves her! So we got over there and I barely got Paige out of the car. We went up and did our things, Terri invited us in and Paige of course wanted to see her bird, turtle and dogs. We ended up staying a few hours, having pizza and a glass of wine (for me that is) and Paige saw all the kids that came to her door. I think the whole scary costume thing totally freaks her out. Maybe next year! But she had a fun time. They had a great party at her school that morning.

Now I have just sneaked away from our Tea Party, I hear her up there calling for "my lady". That would be me. I am totally wiped. I have had this awful sinus problem this week. I finally could not take anymore of it and went to Urgent Care yesterday, yes with Paige in tow. The nurse was coughing horrendously all over me, as she gave me the whole sinus lecture. So the PA came in looked and said my sinus's were definitely swollen and gave me a prescription for antibiotic. So I go to get that filled and ask for the generic, and the generic is $75. WOW,

I have no health insurance right now. I lost mine with work when I went part time after Landon got sick, I better see about getting some soon! I feel better today, and hope to feel even better tomorrow. But wow, I am exhausted. Tag and races and everything else a 4.5 year old likes to do is tough when your sinus's feel like they are going to burst! We are on a new computer system at work too this last week. YIKES!!! My brain needs a rest and it starts all over already again tomorrow.

My Lady wants to go to the park, so I am signin off~ ! Before I get told I am mean again today! Have a good week!!